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I am just like you! We’re in our 40’s, sexy, fun and looking for love, or maybe just a fun guy to spend our free time with. Easier said than done, right?

I haven’t been in a relationship in almost 6 years. I took some time to better myself and learn to be a better partner. Now that I’ve accomplished that, the availability of the men opposite of what I put up with before are slim to none.

I have spent over two years mindlessly wading and swiping through every dating site ever created. It has become an addiction, a train wreck of entertainment and horror stories. I’m here to share my experiences with you and maybe some tips. Also to provide a place that you can share your stories and ask advice. You’ll meet a lot of interesting characters, even some reoccurring ones you’ll love to hate. You will also meet my amazing, supportive, patient friend who talked me into signing up for these sites. (Who needs enemies, right?) She has been by my side for every last one of my dates and online debacles.

My name is Jeannie. Let us laugh, cry (sometimes at the same time) and join together in F****** After 40. View more posts

Dating is Death

Meeting someone and having amazing physical chemistry and being on the same page on every thought, move, and desire in private is elusive. If that chemistry continues for over three years, even over long distance, is an anomaly. Being exclusive FWB with this electricity for a year will inevitably end up with one half of the arrangement reaching for more and the other watching me grasping at air.

Chris, I mean “Mike” (see older posts) has led me through a labyrinth of confusion, fun, anger, desperation, excitement, and self-deprecation. All of which I brought on myself and allowed to happen. Chris has been my bad habit, my nonreciprocating best friend and my lover, off and on, for over three years. We text almost daily and talk on the phone occasionally. The texts often last long into the night and lead to steamy phone calls. He knows everything about me, my family, social life, job, dates, and my feelings. I know his moods, his fantasies and his relationship history. He gives zero fucks about any of it. He pretends to. He fakes interest. I know he wants to hang out when he’s uncharacteristically nice to me. He’ll be playful and funny and ask about me for once. Of course, it always works. Always.

Chris and I met online and talked for a couple of months before finally meeting on Valentine’s Day. There was so much anticipation built up and it did not disappoint. We had a standing date once a week. Our schedules didn’t match and he didn’t want to give up any more of his time to me. He didn’t want me to get the wrong message. When I say “date” I mean he came over. Not one time did we ever go anywhere together. There was always an excuse. No way he was going to spend a dime on me in public or be seen with me in publicI didn’t even know where he lived. It’s really tough writing this and seeing how easily I went along with this. I dated but as you read before, Chris was fascinating compared to my options.

Raquel has always despised Chris. Of course, she’s seen it all with him and I and tried to tell me to get rid of him since day one. I totally agreed but wasn’t going to do it.

About a year in he told me he was moving out of state to transfer positions with his job. I was understandably sad. He wasn’t. He has no ties anywhere. He was leaving in just a few weeks. He came over a couple of weeks before he left. Although we didn’t talk about it, my intuition told me that was the last time I was going to see him. It was right. We didn’t talk much for a couple of weeks and I text and asked when he was leaving. “Tomorrow.” He said he got busy and hadn’t had time to come say goodbye. I was heartbroken. This wasn’t the first time I cried so hard at the realization that I’m truly nothing to him. I knew we weren’t a thing and I knew better to not expect anything. I just thought maybe, I don’t know….

A few weeks after he moved he text me. I had done well not contacting him and accepting the last year was just weird. I told him I really didn’t want to talk to him. He said “Okay. Have a good night.” That’s it. Months went by. I caved and text him a happy birthday. We picked it right back up. He said, “Yea, it was kinda a dick move how I left.” I felt much better about our “friendship” this time around. I didn’t take it seriously. I was having a great summer and enjoying life. Somehow, being in different states we managed to get deeper into our conversations. His moving made absolutely no difference. I fell back in, hard. I didn’t care anymore and he didn’t stop it. I told him I loved him and I’ll say it if I feel like it and I do once in a while. I wasn’t afraid of him anymore. I knew he would never say it back, he doesn’t. He’s never even said he likes me.

We were talking more than ever. He was more fun and open. We trusted each other. We had promised to never lie to each other because we both knew someone was eventually going to come along and love us correctly. He said he wasn’t seeing anyone and had deleted the dating apps. He says he doesn’t mind being alone. Working and talking to him every day had me very content. Life was good.

A few weeks ago he said he was going to a coworker’s house that night to watch the UFC fight. “That’s great you’re leaving your house and being social!” We talked when he got home how he had a good time. I wasn’t feeling well for a couple of weeks so we didn’t talk as much but still talked every day. Driving home last Saturday he calls me. It’s very rare he calls out of the blue. We talk as he tells me he’s runnings errands. He gets to target and we sit and talk about nothing in particular and he tells me he’s going to watch the fight again. He goes into detail about the food. I know him so well I can feel my chest tightening because something isn’t right. He says “I’m gonna go.. um.. I’ll talk to you .. um.. I’m sure some time.. sometime this weekend or a couple of days. Take care.” He lied. I called after the fight and text him with no answer. He was radio silent all weekend. He was with someone all weekend. Someone he obviously didn’t just meet. “You lied!” and a slew of more hateful and hurtful (to me, not him of course) texts. “Block me from everything and no matter what I do or say, ignore me!” He did. Happily, I’m sure. He doesn’t ever argue, has never asked “why?” or ask questions about anything. He’s very literal and if I tell him something like that he’ll do it. When I thought things were well it’s because he was seeing and talking to someone else. I’d compare it to having a guilty conscious but he doesn’t have one. He was just keeping me on the hook, as always.

For someone who gave me absolutely no reason to love him, who has made me cry more than smile, has shown me zero affection except the bedroom, he sure made out. It seems that’s how it always works. It’s been a week and I’m so heartbroken. More so this time because it’s final and he left it just like he did when he moved. “Take care.”

Sometimes it takes years to realize you’re a part in a low budget circus act with the Ringmaster. One of those creepy circuses that set up in a Kmart parking lot and give out free tickets to kids but they have to go with an adult who has to pay $50. A scam. Like the animals, you are so loving. You bend over backward, forwards and sideways, jumping through death-defying hoops and fire to please. Trained. You’re always the entertainment and he the Sociopathic Ringmaster that puts you away and brings you out when he decides it’s showtime. You’re not an object, you are not to be trained for this kind of humiliation. There’s a reason the circus is dead. The same reason Chris is dead.

And with that, I give you datingisdeath.com I have a real name now and working on my own website. This entry was horribly depressing but needed to be done. Let’s move on!! Thanks for reading 💜

Happy Birthday To Me!!

Hey, I’m 46 this week! That’s a little concerning seeing how I’ve spent the last year thinking I was turning 45. Im over it though. Moving on!

(Most names in these entries will either be changed or not mentioned at all. Also, I’ll be writing these as present tense for dramatic and real time effect.)

When you decide to get back out there it’s terrifying. You question everything. “Will I remember how? Will I know how to sober!?” Where does one even find someone who doesn’t intimidate me into retreating into my safe place with my cat?

We all have heard the “when you least expect it…” The perfect practice guy fell in my lap. We’ll call him “Dry Run”. Now, Dry is 27 years old. I’m 45. This was not an idea I’d ever entertained. We are friends of friends and as most flings go, it just happened. We started messaging on Facebook, he was going through a rough breakup and I was a shoulder. It wasn’t long before the chatting was flirting and flirting turned into a couple pics. We started talking about getting together but we both kept bailing because it was too weird.

I get a message one day that said “I’ll be there in 10 minutes and I’m not fucking around!” I still consider this one of the sexiest things anyone has said to me. I told him I had to shower and get ready and he says “You’ve got 10 minutes to do it.” Um, uh, what? This is happening, instant anxiety attack. See, when you drink there is no anxiety. When you’re sober and forgot how, you breathe into a paper bag and hope that bag accentuates your underwear.

Now, things start out well enough with some making out. That didn’t last long. There was some foreplay. That didn’t last long. Now, being (gender) in our 40s, we need a little more finessing and pregame. As you can imagine, It was just awkward and a “never-mind”. Even after ending in disappointment after all the build up, I’m glad it happened. It thawed me out. We didn’t talk much after that. We filled each others time. I was honest, felt it my responsibility to do so when I told him to not be in a hurry, to take his time with women. He asked “Did you have fun at all?”

Did I?

I have a history of bad relationships and dating that go way back but I’ll start with how I got my “groove” back 2 years ago after 4 years of zero “groove”.

POF – It’s a brand new world!

Im so sorry for taking so long for the next blog! I finally acquired a new job and have been trying to adjust to “real people” time. That’s boring, lets get started!

POF- I’m going to meet the man of my dreams on this site. I won’t have to be here long. Look at all these handsome, available, local, looking for a long term relationship men! I use my real name to create a perfect profile of what a “catch” I am. I gush how I volunteer, want to travel and am attentive and cute. I throw in some pics of me having fun and looking adventurous. I make sure to add full body shots for full disclosure.

This is it! Raquel and I are so excited for “our” first date. I set my phone aside and go to sleep. I didn’t know, at the time, you could silence the notifications for POF. My phone is pinging A LOT and of course you have to look. So many interested men. Oh! This guy is handsome in his military uniform. He’s stationed over seas. Poor guy is fighting for our country and so lonely. He must have quit school to be a serviceman for our freedom as his spelling and English isn’t so good. That’s ok, it can be overlooked. Ok, ( vinyl record scratch sound), don’t worry. I haven’t been out of the game THAT long. I watch Dr Phil and have seen the woman selling her kidney, her children and their kidneys to send the money to “Steve” in Nigeria so he can make it back to the states to marry her. I politely dismiss him and am proud of my intuition.

Let’s move onto the next message. This guy is local, is polite and does well with the small talk. Everyone here seems so nice, except for the Nigerian con artist. What a pig! How dare he!? I wish there was some way to stop these guys. Anyway, local guy doesn’t live too far away. We seem to have a lot in common and he’s way cute. He tells me he gives great massages (how cute, we’re getting married) and asks for my picture and I say that I have a ton on the site he can see. He wants a current pic. Me and my cat, adorable. Sent. He says “not that kind of pic” and sends me one of his own. WHOA WHOA WHOA! I’m thrown off and stumble around for the “block user” option. Did I say the first guy was swine? He’s just hustling for money! Second guy is the pig. We’ll call him Prick Pic Pig. PPP. I send these conversations (not the pics) to Raquel and we laugh how unlucky I am in the first couple guys and it’ll get better.

Fast forward a couple weeks and Raquel and I are starting to feel our way around this site and it’s content a little better. We have learned some sure fire flags to save yourself time and effort.

1) Don’t respond to “Hi pretty lady”. Who even says that? Scammers who don’t know English, that’s who. Think about it. When is the last time someone has looked in your face and said “Hi pretty lady” and didn’t sound like he wanted to eat the aforementioned face? I have never been wrong on this one. Hey beautiful, gorgeous or sexy” are all generally “safe” from scammers. They are not safe from the PPP’s though!

2) Don’t talk to guys with only one pic and that pic is of a sunset, a meme or other non- identifying content. They’re married or attached and hiding for a reason.

3) Every guy on online wants to come to your home and give amazing massages and foot rubs. They also always want to come to your place and make you dinner or, even better, breakfast. Please, total stranger I’ve never met, come to my house for all of the above. Turns out, as we will discover, this is normal.

4) You will repeat the same conversation of job, weather, music, kids and hobbies over, over and over. Keep a template to copy and paste. Also, you will become creative and imaginative in your responses to obvious scammers and losers. Don’t be afraid to dive in and entertain these guys for training purposes. Test out your sarcasm and perfect clap backs on these men. You will need the confidence and practice for the ones you actually liked and they disappointed you.

5) Do you know why it’s always your place? It’s because they don’t have their own. They are couch surfing, sleeping in their vehicle, married, or don’t want you to know where they live for whatever reason. I am not exaggerating when I say I can’t remember the last time meeting anyone with their own place. I’m not knocking saving money. I’m actively protesting lack of drive, ambition, employment, transportation and teeth. These are 100% the building blocks and criteria of these sites.

It’s very early in this blog and sharing my experiences. I don’t want to steer you into thinking that it’s all bad. I’m still on there! I’m not giving up on my options. These are comedic warnings and scenarios I know we’ve all been through. I’m not running a “she-woman man haters club”. I will only “out” the truly deserving. I won’t lead you astray in advice or humor.

Thank you so much for being here! Please share your stories, advice or online happy ever after (so we can point and laugh and be secretly jealous).

Jeannie

P.S. Don’t forget to share my blog with your friends!

What’s your 20?

“What’s your 20?”, trucker slang for “Where are you?” Seems appropriate for dating. “Trucker Dude”. That’s the name he was given by us. The first date from POF. Its been over two years and my dating profile has been hacked more than once so the online conversations are long gone. It’s easy to recall the details though.

TD is tall, blonde, a truck driver who’s kids are grown and have moved out. He owns his home, close with his momma, wears cowboy boots and takes his trusty Golden retriever everywhere. He’s a good ol boy, blue collar. He’s a member of a Jeep club who gets together to mud around and show off. He’s just an all around great guy and “one helluva model American!”

We talk for about a week and I finally agree to meet in person. I let him pick me up. I live in a secured building so he can’t come directly to my door so I come downstairs after he texts me that he’s arrived. I come down and don’t see him anywhere. I just kinda stand outside doing the “It’s cool. I’ll stand here, hands folded like a well mannered lady.” I wish, at the very least, he’d be standing next to his vehicle and be obvious who he is. There’s nothing worse than standing there looking confused and vulnerable while he sits behind the wheel of his car. I spot him and walk over and find I have to heave myself up into his 10’ lifted Jeep. He told me he was bringing his other vehicle. No help, no tips, not a “grab my hand, I’ll pull you up.” Just a fat girl flailing. I finally make it in. Cool, gutted out Jeep, roll cage, no heat, and of course a manual that causes whiplash every time he shifts. “Git er done!”

I researched and asked for recommendations on a relaxed place with maybe a fireplace (it’s November and freezing) and settled on Tap Union Freehouse in downtown Vancouver, Wa. I highly recommend. It’s a small place downstairs with a patio that has a fire pit and lots of seating. The upstairs is large with overstuffed furniture, coffee tables you can prop your feet up on. There are a ton of board games to play, it’s cozy, quiet and perfect for a date.

The game we picked went ignored. We kicked our feet up. He ordered a beer and I an amazing grilled cheese. I’m trying to start over and be positive after the stick shift abuse. That was short lived.

My aunt, who’s been married to a truck driver for a million years told me to not date a truck driver because they never shut up. She was NOT lyin! This guy is in his 40’s and telling me booger jokes, telling me to pull his finger and has no problem notifying me he has “a small pee-pee.” I wish I was making this up. He goes on to tell me he ONLY listens to Christmas music starting November 1. Absolutely nothing else. When he’s not on the road, all he watches is Hallmark Christmas movies and Disney.

I’m not trying to start anything but had I’d not know better, I’d think he was mentally “slow”. Ouch! That reminds me of the time he told me he’s paying over $2000 a month in alimony even though he doesn’t have to anymore. “Challenged” is a well-mannered word. I’ve told people of his holiday habits and some see nothing wrong with them. Thoughts?

I’d like to say this was the end of “Naked lady mud flaps dude” but SOMEONE…ahem, Raquel, suggested maybe he was just nervous. There was another date. He took me to dinner. We barely spoke the whole meal. Afterward, we walked towards the church and surrounding street to check out all the holiday lights. It was a beautiful, cold, clear night with blue twinkling lights all over. So romantic. He says to me “I don’t think I parked this far down. Let’s turn around, my cigarettes are in there.”

Stack them eights my friends! 😉

Jeannie ❤️

You’re not real friends if you didn’t hate each other when you first met.

When I typed out this title I thought back to all my greatest friends and damned if all of them didn’t start out with some kind of drama.

My first best friend tried to beat me up in grade school. I don’t recall how we got over that but we were pretty inseparable up until high school. That wasn’t our last fight but it never lasted long. We lived through the 80’s together and it was an amazing time to grow up. We met almost 35 years ago and are still friends. We don’t talk as much but always know where to find each other.

The next best friend and I met almost 25 years ago. Our boyfriends were hanging out and drinking together after meeting at work. She came to my apartment and raised hell looking for her man. Turns out we lived in the same complex. We became attached at the hip. We spent our time sunbathing and drinking. We’ve had some hardships in both our families and she has always been there for me. All these years have passed, the boyfriends are gone and we’re still dear, close friends.

Approximately 12 years ago, I met the third awesome woman in my life. I met her through an ex. He was friends with her and her husband for a while before I came along. When I did finally get to meet them, it was very clear my ex had a thing for her. He didn’t hide it well and admitted it towards the end. Guess what! The guy is gone and she is still my best friend. My family wouldn’t know what to do without her family. We are family. I like to say I got them in the “divorce”.

Now, my fourth amazing friend was also born out of Emmy worthy drama. We met through a mutual friend that pinned us against each other. We’d only met a few times and always at this “friends” house. We’d stay away from each other and never talked. Raquelle and I both had a falling out with this friend around the same time and neither of us were aware. On an evening at my sons youth program I saw Raquelle and her kids. They were there to sign up for the program. I think it was a surprise to us both to see a familiar face. We approached each other and had some cordial conversation. Outside of the youth program, our next encounter was when the high school that our boys attended went on lockdown. There was a fake bomb threat and a lot of panic. We exchanged Facebook messages and both headed to the parent meet up location. It was a terrifying experience, especially for her as her son had been on a hit list the year before by a student. I believe that and our time in the youth program brought us close which led to us finding out we actually like each other. We became great friends. She has a huge family, an amazing marriage and is the best mom. She’s hilarious, supportive and calls me out on so much shit! We’ve only text each other a handful of times over these last 5 years because we Facebook messaged our first conversation and we’ve just stayed there, never thinking that all those messages would be used for these upcoming blogs. After the fiasco I described in my last blog, she talked me into actually paying for a dating site. It’s been hilarious, exhausting and truly baffling. Every date, most messages and a lot of conversations with these dates have been copied and pasted to her in messenger. With her by my side, we’ll be going WAY back into those messages to bring you the best!

Slow and steady wins the race…

says his profile headline. His pics are smokin hot, he listens to death metal, sings “Grease” karaoke and of course has tattoos. He has no kids, lives close, employed and drives. I’m still very new to online dating so I’m full of enthusiasm and confidence. I send a message along the lines of him sounding too good to be real. He wrote back! I don’t remember much more about the conversation but we chatted for a bit.

Now, dating takes a lot of energy and I tend to just talk to one person at a time. When Trucker Dude and I were talking I ignored the dating sites for a few weeks. When Trucker Dude was sent off to have a bippity boppity, Hallmark life I got back on Plenty of Fish. (Plenty offish, Plenty of Iffish). That cute,tattooed guy messages and asks where I’ve been. I told him that I had tried dating but it wasn’t my thing so I was back on the site. After all, nobody really dates on there. You spend 99% of the time swiping left and checking pics to verify the presence of teeth. It’s just something single, cat ladies do before bed. Turns out this guy can actually hold a conversation. He’s intelligent, interesting to talk to and did I mention hot? He can look like Opie from Sons of Anarchy when he wears a beanie.

It’s nearing Christmas by this point and I’m wrapping gifts and listening to Elvis while I chat with Mike. Mike, not being his real name, is an alias him and I came up with before I started this blog so it’s fitting. Mike and I talked for hours upon hours on POF and he invites me to Snapchat. We talked for hours on there as well. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it to keep you engaged when you’re trying to go to bed. He’s send snaps with no shirt and reindeer antler filters. He never smiles in them, or ever, but he doesn’t need to. He never sends compliments. He doesn’t respond to a “Good morning” message. It takes him days to respond sometimes and he’ll get back to you when he’s feeling up to it. When he does, it’s never “How have you been? How’s your day?” Or even just “Hi”. He comes back into a conversation like we never left one after days of radio silence. “He comes off stuck up and that everyone is just tiresome and boring to him. He’s an asshole. He’s standoffish, selfish and just not into me”, I vent to Raquel. She tells me to get rid of him. “Well yeah. Who would put up with someone who makes you feel so insignificant?!” We ALL know who that someone is! We all have one. The one person you can’t shake. One that you want to figure out, that you think you will be good for. You want, more than anything, to make them happy. More than anything you want to be wanted.

It’s almost December again. I’m sure there will be more wrapping and more Elvis. There will also be, two years later, more Mike.

Coffee, Crack and Car Theft

As all online dates come about, there’s some messaging and pictures exchanged and when I feel comfortable enough I give out my number and texting takes over. This is an opportune time to collect intel that’s not on the dating site. You can find out what they do all day by when and how often they text. Are they working? How early do they go to bed? How quick is he to respond or if he responds with a text meant for someone else. (That’s always great!). This is also the best time to get real time pictures.

Kevin was great at sending pics. He’d send from work, a friends BBQ, making dinner and other normal, everyday activities. He spoke highly of his family and sent pics of them too. Told me how his brother had died of an overdose and how his family were still taking that pretty hard. We talked for about a week and he asked me to coffee. We agreed to meet at the bookstore across the street from my place. It has a Starbucks inside so it was ideal. I arrived first. He called shortly to say that he couldn’t find the place. This bookstore is directly on the corner, next to a huge Target and Walmart sign and a movie theatre. With GPS there is absolutely no reason to be lost. Indeed he was though. When he told me what he was driving I realized I’d been watching this beat up, white suburban drive back and forth for about 20 minutes. First red flag is he’s not very bright. He finally finds the bookstore and when he gets out of his vehicle I noticed he isn’t the same person in the pictures. This man approaching Starbucks is too skinny with blond, stringy hair and doesn’t have the bright blue eyes portrayed in his pics. He enters the cafe and greets me with a tight hug. I return a lukewarm response as we find a table.

Kevin sits across from me and I notice he’s missing most of his front teeth and about 80 pounds. He telling me everything he’s already told me about his brother, his family, everything. Looking back on it now it was probably his script. It doesn’t take long before he starts nodding off. Had I not known what I was witnessing I would have thought he was narcoleptic. I ask if he’s high and he tells me he isn’t. I asked “Ok, have you taken any drugs today?” because being high is open to interpretation. He gives a sleepy giggle and says he isn’t. I am not one to just up and leave or hide when my date is not as expected and this one was no exception.

Since we’re meeting for coffee, my plan was to get the drink, drink the drink and leave. His plan was to just leave. He doesn’t offer coffee so I ask if he wants anything and he doesn’t. All righty then! I take my phone and go to the counter and order green tea. I notice Kevin out of the corner of my eye walking towards what I thought was the restrooms. I move along to the pick up counter and head back to my seat. He is still gone and I notice my car keys have apparently have went with him! I don’t know why I took my phone with me and not my keys but I’m glad I had my phone at least! My heart is exiting from my chest as I see him out in the parking lot. I call him and ask “Where are you and why do you have my keys!!??” He says “Oh, are these your keys? I thought they were mine. I came out here to smoke.” I almost believe him until I went outside and he was a mile away from his own vehicle and next to mine. I rushed outside, got my keys and told him I was leaving. The guy moves in for a kiss! I say “Nope!” and bailed. He texts me later and I wrote back “What is wrong with you?! You are so high!” All I got was “Sorry”. Not that I was expecting that or why I expected a response at all.

I looked back on the pictures and indeed they were him. Him at a happier, healthier time. He was clean and very handsome. Sad. I hope his parents don’t lose another child.

On that happy note, it was a discouraging date but I’ve become mostly numb to dating and enjoy just sharing the stories with you and hope to spread some fun.

Happy New Year! Thank you all for reading, it means a lot.

J

“Do you like to cuddle?”

“I give the best back massages.” “How about a foot massage?” “I want to massage you all over.” 99% of the guys online ogling are masseuses or professional cuddlers. So many attentive and affectionate men! I’ve been asked no less than 200 times if I wanted to receive these wonderful services at no charge to me! I’ve been offered breakfast a couple times. “Oh, you want to come over right now, total stranger, and whip me up some pancakes and then give me a cuddly massage?” This obviously works or these guys wouldn’t keep going about “dating” this way. I’m not trying to put down those of us who choose this way of attention or expressing their sexuality (guilty) but playing just a little hard to get goes a long way. Not to mention it’s extremely dangerous!

No matter what I use as my dating profile headline to express that I’m only interested in a serious relationship, no hook ups and no friends with benefits it gets totally ignored. It’s Tuesday and I have already received two messages asking if I wanted to “have some fun”. One started out well enough. We talked about traveling and he says “Would you like to travel to Gresham right now and have some fun?” I’ve learned quick wit and sarcasm shuts them down pretty quick. I go along the lines of if you wouldn’t say it to my face the first time you met me then don’t say it. If you see me in a grocery store and walk up and say “You’re so beautiful. I have the biggest **** for you.” I’m going to have you arrested!

When I point out that I’ve heard their lines over and over they argue “You took it the wrong way. I never said I wanted sex.” They make you the bad guy because you’ve embarrassed them when you list off their next line or next response, before they can even type it. Sometimes a simple “no” can throw someone into a fit of rejection rage. I’ve been called horrible names, been told to kill myself and the “No wonder you’re on here, you’re a total bitch.” is pretty regular. I’ve also been told that a car is worth more than my life (With a photo shopped pic of a Ferrari) It’s very common to be verbally assaulted online. The rejected and angry are hiding behind a keyboard and obviously have no qualms of treating women horribly. I think positive and don’t let it bother me because what if I actually started dating him and found out later what kind of guy he is!

This entry turned into more of a PSA than humorous but it certainly has its place in the online dating world. Remember, it’s not you, it’s them and it’s not personal. Always report any harassment or threats. Be safe and have fun with it. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t keeping my eye open for new blog material. It’s just so easy and after years of abuse on these sites, I’m not sorry. There are a lot of men that seem very nice but not my type. I will call out the jerks but I won’t make fun of anyone who is sincere but ugly. I will make fun of what they wear though. Fair?

Cougar sighting

I always dated older guys when I was younger. I never considered is strange. Now that I’m older I want to turn it the other way around. There is a double standard there for sure. When men date younger women it’s obviously because the guy has money, right? How else are they going to attract the young, hot ladies? Sure, that happens with cubs as well. They are out to find a rich cougar. I feel there are more men seeking out older women just for company. Are they insecure at a young age and feel older women will be more patient? Are they hoping for a more experienced woman with no drama? Or is it a creepy mommy issue thing? Is it that women their own age are more mature and won’t give them the time of day?

I’m not adverse to dating a younger guy. The problem lies in the guys who contact me are not just young, they’re barely legal! They seek out older women and beg for a chance to show how capable and eager they are to please. They plead their case even after I tell them my kids are older than them and it’s weird.

I had a gentleman ask me out back in April. I recall him saying he was around 35. His pictures looked younger but there were no close ups or anything. We talked for a while. He’s very well-mannered and charming. We agree to meet at Mt. Tabor, the park. He’s late. I fill the time watching a basketball game. I give it 15-20 min and I head for my car. No heads up, text or call. My time wasted yet again. I go to leave and he slowly pulls in. I have a feeling he had been there a while but was parked further away. He’s in no hurry to get out of his car and I don’t blame him. He looks about 23! I express my surprise and say I’m leaving. He says it was an April Fool’s joke. He also says it’s his birthday. He’s pulling out all the stops to convince me not to leave. The compliments and flirting are flowing naturally for him. I asked him to be honest about his age. He admits he’s 20. Oh Lord, this is not happening! I couldn’t leave fast enough. He follows up with 50 texts to express his love for me. I am unaware of the powers I have over almost grown men.

I’m at a point (middle age) where men nor women want to date middle age. We want younger to stop us from getting older. This leaves a lot of doors closed. What’s an “appropriate” age? 30’s? Late 30’s? 40’s and stick to my own decade? I won’t have those amazing powers of a proposal on the first date with these ages but I guess I can lower my standards a bit. Hunt on ladies!